


Love Me Harder

by Yellow_Beacon



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Canon Compliant, First Time, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hair-pulling, Jeongin has 99 problems and they are all Hyunjin, Jeongin is a power bottom, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Fixation, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:55:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29411544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yellow_Beacon/pseuds/Yellow_Beacon
Summary: Hyunjin always made him feel weak- like a shy high school girl in a drama. Weak in the knees, weak when it came to his heart- which seemed to work on overtime every time they touched. Weak when it came to Jeongin’s own restrictions towards him.And it wasn't like he meant to do it- didn’t mean to fall in love.It just sorta… happened.orThe one where Jeongin knows that he absolutely can't have feelings for his older group member. Knows it and still can't help but masturbate to TikTok edits he finds on youtube one boring afternoon. Knows that he should stop and still can't help but be so completely smitten that he doesn't.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix if you squint, Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Minho/Han Jisung but they're in denial
Comments: 5
Kudos: 102





	Love Me Harder

**Author's Note:**

> So... TikTok compilations are a thing, right? Honest to god, sorry that I'm such a boomer and I feel embarrassed to say that this week has not been easy and the whole reason is just one person, Hwang Hyunjin himself. To put it shortly; yes, this is like 2/3 of pure filth and yes, this is just me projecting onto Jeongin because I can't stop watching compilations and yes, I hope that you give a lot of love to the creators behind said compilations (specifically @hwangsenshi) because they basically put a fanfiction baby in my author oven which is now finished for all of you- a perfect gift for Valentine's day from me to you ♥  
> So I hope you enjoy it, please give me a kudo if you did and write me a comment if you want (perhaps give me suggestions of what couple to write next) ♥ (maybe a Changbin/Seungmin one because I enjoy their dynamic??)  
> Much love ♥

It was afternoon and they’d been busy from early morning to lunch, travelling from place to place outside the city, only allowed to have some free time now before an evening photoshoot would take place. They’d already been transported to the site, despite it being hours before the marketing team on their end had to make it. Chris had been a bit pissed off with the poor planning at first and their manager had quickly explained with an awkward apology that them staying there, too far of a car ride back to their dorm or the company building, was to make it easier on everyone involved which made it much easier to take it in adjust to the information professionally.   
Even though Jeongin agreed with the other’s (because it made sense) he still couldn’t help but feel like he was a bother, like they all were, and had just been dumped in a studio (even though it _was_ quite spacious _and_ had all their favourite snacks and drinks)

An hour passed with all of them humming, joking around and the energy in the room went from hyper and upbeat to dull and lacklustre as they settled in. Youtube and AirPods was his best friend at times like this and he started off by just watching their latest two performances, tried to monitor it like he hadn’t seen it at all yet.   
Objectively.  
Eyes skimming between the members, did a short rewind on a particular move, watched the different kinds of execution with interest and then continued on to the next video of theirs. Did the same thing again before he sighed deeply, glanced up at his hyung's who all relaxed in reclining armchairs, eyes glued on their screens, some alone and in their own world while three other’s, Felix, Hyunjin and Seungmin had somehow compressed themselves onto one chair (which threatened to fall over with as much of a tiny movement) and Jeongin couldn’t help but smile when Hyunjin let out a small yelp and clutched onto the other’s, nearly falling off while trying to get comfortable- something that Seungmin didn’t appreciate at all since he was the one who literally got squished into the chair by the two others. The oldest of the three spluttered and groaned unhappily when the long, dark hair got into his eyes and combed it back with a flick of his wrist before laying down comfortably, pulling a happy Felix into his arms while Seungmin wailed with complaints underneath them.

Jeongin snorted out a short scoff of adoration before going back to his phone, clicked on the red logo at the top left of the screen and pursed his lips, a bit disgruntled. Maybe it was because he didn’t use his own account and surfed the web on both incognito and with a vpn, but it seemed like he’d been lured into the algorithm in some way. Nearly all of the videos in the recommended list was either kpop or plainly their own- performances, stages, music videos, interviews. He sighed deeply, not really feeling like watching more of their stuff but a flashy and creative thumbnail caught his attention and soon enough he was deep down the rabbit hole of fan-created content. Video after video of them being their normal somewhat chaotic selves with sharp and funny edits that made him hold back a few choked up waves of laughter. Time moved quickly and suddenly another whole hour had passed by. 

He glanced up shortly to check on the other’s again and saw that Felix and Hyunjin must’ve left Seungmin sometime ago because the two currently snuggled up against each other on the styrofoam floor mats that the staff had laid out, taking a nap underneath a pile of all their jackets.   
A feeling of… slight jealousy tugged on Jeongin’s heartstrings when he watched them and he was unsure if he wanted to join in or just felt a bit lonely at the moment.   
Maybe later… He did still have the time after all. 

He clicked the next video without thinking much about it and was caught by surprise by the bass boosted music that blasted through his Airpods. It seemed to be a compilation, like the others, but this one was… different… and by the music and footage of himself and his hyung's- much more personal than just for entertainment purposes. He recognized the style, knew that it was popular on both Twitter and TikTok but had never really paid much attention to the actual significance of it.   
One extra flashy, with a sharp combination of a normal and slowed down speed just passed by and he felt his lips part with surprise when his own face filled the screen, his own body moving to the beat of a song that had been overlaid and it was over the top and a bit cringy to see himself in the sort of light that other’s saw. Another one, a zoom of his lower lip between his teeth, heavy eyelids, biceps on display and… was this sexualization? Or should he take it as something flattering? 

He didn’t get very far with those thoughts though because all of a sudden it wasn’t his face that stared back at him but one of his members- Hyunjin.   
Hyunjin, who stared back at him with heavy eyes, sweat dripping from his brow, from his chin. Hyunjin, who rolled his body with the same kind of filthy American music on full blast.   
Hyunjin, who jolted his hips and let his eyes roll back and gasped for breath with a tongue that licked his lower lip into his mouth and Jeongin had to manually close his own lips because his jaw went slack after two of them passed at a rapid speed. 

He looked up from the screen and felt how his cheeks heated up with embarrassment, but no one seemed to pay any attention to him. Their leader was working, slouched over his laptop on the table with three pillows stacked behind his back to provide some help with his posture. Minho and Jisung shared the armchair next to it, watching and giggling at something on one of their phones and Jeongin smiled softly at the scene of the two of them all tangled up with each other, so much so that the different colour of their pants was the only clue of whose legs were whose. Seungmin and Changbin were nowhere to be seen but he supposed that the two (reasonably responsible ones) had probably gone scouring for someone in charge that could give them a schedule or something so they could plan ahead.   
Hyunjin and Felix still cuddled each other on the foam mat and Jeongin pursed his lips while he picked up his phone again, held the screen up to his face and pressed play once again. 

The next one was a slower tempo, cute at first but soon enough the music changed and more clips from face cams of stages and performances passed by. More moments that Jeongin could count.   
Was he truly always… so… much? The younger knew that he’d always enjoyed the way that Hyunjin performed though- thought that he was one of the best he knew off and truly deserved the attention he received but… this? His gaze flickered from the sleeping figure a few meters away with his long hair all ruffled up and clinging to his face, lips slightly parted- to the sharp stare he received in the short video that just swished past. One sharp enough to twist his guts. 

A new one and the older arched his back, pumped his chest out in a pop, finger’s brushing between his legs and something snapped like a broken twig in Jeongin’s body. He swallowed as shame rushed over him because, fuck, he _knew_ that he wasn’t supposed to think that his group member was hot and he was not- _absolutely not_ \- supposed to get so turned on.   
But still... 

Pause, rewind, play.   
Pause, rewind, play.

And Hyunjin looked so absolutely fucked out with his eyes rolled back in their sockets that Jeongin felt heat pool in the pit of his stomach.  
He bit down on his lower lip, wet it slightly and found that his mouth was completely dry. Forced himself to swallow while his heart thumped away in his chest, tried to look away but it was just something… perhaps the music that elevated it all, the way it fit so perfectly with the obscenity he watched or… or...

_Fuck it._

He turned off his phone, carefully placed his Airpods back in its charger, placed the latter in his bag and took a deep breath. Stood up, gave Chris a smile that told him not to worry when the older looked up after seeing him in the peripheral and pointed to the door while mouthing “toilet” before receiving a thumbs up. Stole one more glance at the sleeping pair on the floor and felt how his stomach turned uncomfortably. A dark, possessive dread bloomed up within him but he kept walking. Refused to let it linger. Left, right and the coast was clear. 

The lavatories were fresh enough and he sent a silent finger gun of gratitude towards anyone upstairs that looked after him when he noticed that all of the stalls were fully walled up. Locked the door, sat down on the toilet, took a deep breath, muted his phone and then opened up that video again.   
Felt his fingertips tingle.

Pause, rewind, play.

And his breath laboured into a small choked up groan.   
Again and again and again and knew that he was into a deeper hole than he first expected when his cock twitched against the inside of his underwear. Bit down on his lower lip, undid the button on his jeans, pulled down the zipper and let his head hit the cold tiled wall behind him with closed eyes and a miserable grimace. The hand that closed around his cock was already moist with sweat and he was barely able to hold back a sharp hiss while steadily tugging on himself, wet his dry lips and watched how a pearl of pre-cum already dripped from the tip, down the shaft and onto his closed fist.

Ok, so… he did have a- well… to put it simply, love-thing for Hyunjin. Had for the longest time. Way, way before he even wanted to admit it, with braces that left imprints on the inside of his lips every time he pressed a hand hard against his mouth to keep down his broken moans.   
Back then he’d scold the older with a voice that only trembled a little about leaving used clothes at the bathroom door but at moments like that he couldn’t help but be immensely happy. With the other’s shirt bundled up in a hard grip, pressed just underneath his nose and the used underwear wrapped around his red cock, still warm from the body it had been removed from just minutes earlier.   
But it had never been bad enough that he couldn’t push past it to work with him normally. Not to mention that there was barely any time to even think about anything else than work anyway, especially during comebacks and promotions. But he was always reminded when they had a day off and Hyunjin would come stumbling through the room Jeongin shared with Jisung at any given time of the day, fully expecting the younger to accept him with open arms- which he always did. 

It came back to him when Jeongin let him slip underneath the cover’s next to him, held his breath while the older lazily threw a long leg over his hip before pulling him closer until they’d settled into a comfortable position- one that was bound to get way too warm in just a couple of minutes. His friend would nuzzle against him, in the very same way that Felix did but with Hyunjin it was always this… want inside of him that kept blaring like a red alarm.   
It was sick and twisted and even though he was the younger one- he couldn’t help but feel like a predator and a monster for craving someone and... _something_ so much. 

Because Hyunjin meant so, so much to him. Because he loved him- like a brother and a good friend that he knew he could rely on. But he also loved him like one is meant to love something beautiful- from a distance, in awe. He loved him like one loves the stars and the moon- with the pain of longing, a yearning to belong and he loved him like a promise- endless, like a burst of laughter- recklessly.  
He loved him with tears that wet his cheeks while he bit down into his pillow to keep his voice down because he just couldn’t _understand._   
The video ended with a quick press of his thumb and Hyunjin’s eyes stared back at him through the screen- dark and relentless, like he knew exactly what Jeongin was doing. 

But he couldn’t look away.

Couldn’t stop the way his movements became more and more frenetic, gasping back the emotions that seemed to swallow him whole- like a giant had picked him up and there were only seconds before teeth would succumb him into darkness, crushing his limbs. A fire burned through him. Licked against his insides and he could taste it- the orgasm that was just seconds from pulling his mind into the pool of endorphins it craved.   
But then-  
Knock, knock, knock, 

“Innie-ah?”   
His eyes opened, widened at the voice and he tried to hold back, squeezed hard around the shaft to prevent himself from cumming and pressed his lips tight together to keep in the frustration when he failed, eyes rolled back slightly when the voice called out his name again over the sound of soft splatter when it landed across the wall of the stall instead. Couldn’t help the way that his whole body tensed up and then finally sunk down into the warm fuzzy feeling that immediately followed, 

“Ye-” he coughed and tried again, “Yes?” he finally managed to croak forth and heard how Hyunjin pressed his body against the door,   
“Are you ok? You sound a bit weak?” Worry bled into the words and Jeongin quickly cleared his throat,  
“Oh, I- I’m fine, I promise. Stomach bug or… nerves or something. Nothing nasty though, just… just nausea” he mumbled and pulled a grimace, fingers still sticky with cum while he reclined his body against the wall behind him,   
“You don’t need me to come in and give you a belly rub then? You know that I’d gladly help you with whatever? I can hear that it’s troubling you”

Hyunjin had a cute singsongy tone on his voice and Jeongin let out a weak, tired chuckle, more to himself and imagined how it would have been if he’d open the door and asked if Hyunjin was willing to lick the cum off his fingers since the stall didn’t have any means to wash his hands. 

“How bout this… if it makes you feel better by helping me out” he started out, “You take care of me and help me with my stomach ache after the shoot and I do something for you, a favour, whatever you want, anytime you want?”   
“Mm… deal” Hyunjin agreed and soon enough, Jeongin could hear how he turned on his heel and walked out the lavatories again. 

He exhaled in a deep sigh, grabbed some toilet paper and cleaned himself off before turning to the wall and bit back the shame that flooded through him. What just happened? Was he really so deep into the rabbit hole of absolute insanity that an edited video of their stages made him lose it so badly?  
Like… he _had_ jerked off to the thought of his friend before, of them crawling underneath the covers together and fucking like bunnies as if there was no tomorrow, he… just couldn’t deny that… but… but his dancing alone and the stage charisma he had?  
Had it truly gotten to the point where he couldn’t see Hyunjin move like that without popping a boner?

He felt disgusted with himself as he exited the stall and thrust his hands underneath the stream from the tap, thoroughly washed them with soap, avoided his own eyes in the mirror and brushed off some invisible dust off his shoulder before turning around and quickly walked out again. Back to the room where the other member’s waited and with his sight locked on the armchair he’d left a few minutes ago. 

“Do you feel better?” Hyunjin quickly attached himself to his back, placed his chin on the younger’s shoulder, and Jeongin stopped dead in his tracks, “The belly rub is on discount at the moment because I’m bored… just so you know”  
He pressed forth a small chuckle but it still sounded a bit forced, “Aha, so you won’t check in the favour I suggested then?”   
“No, I keep that. Gives me an advantage if I ever need one” Hyunjin scoffed against his neck and Jeongin fought back the feeling of the hair there standing on edge while a shiver passed through his spine,   
“No discount then” Jeongin concluded and held his breath when the older’s arms snaked around his waist.

Watched how those pretty hands locked around his midriff while Hyunjin pressed his body against his back and the barely noticeable outline of his cock in the soft trainer’s he wore made Jeongin’s breath hitch, “Join me, please. It’s warmer when we’re more” he whispered and nodded back at the foam mats and Felix, who still napped there, joined by Chris who sat on the floor next to him with one hand that still absentmindedly ran through the blonde’s hair as if the two had been chatting before the younger had fallen asleep once again.   
“I-” Jeongin started while Hyunjin’s long fingers softly stroked the outline of his abs, clueless and completely obvious that it made him choke up, “I just-” he tried to continue while the older’s fingertips brushed against the belt buckle on his jeans and he nearly jolted while the feeling slashed through him again- that sweet, burning in the pit of his stomach, “I’d rather not sleep at the moment. I’m… hungry” 

The white lie seared on his tongue and he rather wished that Hyunjin wouldn’t have let out a small unhappy groan, “Get a snack then and join me later. I want you”  
His dick twitched again and Jeongin answered the question he’d asked himself in the lavatories; Simply _being_ with Hyunjin popped a boner now. 

-

It was just about midnight when they all stumbled through the front door of their dorm. Exhausted from the photoshoot and important dinner meeting.  
Chris won the first game of rock, paper, scissor and rushed off to the shower, whereupon they continued the game and formed a neat little queue that would follow afterwards.   
“I wanna take a bath tonight so if anyone wants to go take my place…” Hyunjin told the rest and allowed Changbin and Minho to jump ahead.  
The sound of them was more muted than normally and Jeongin tucked his legs up against his chest on the sofa, more interested in the silly but addictive mobile game he was playing than the movie some of the member’s had found on the tv.

A few minutes passed. He was handed the edge of a blanket to feel more included and covered his legs while Chris entered the living room again, still wet in the hair, skin rosy and with his shirt clinging to his frame from the hot shower, causing the person next to him to freeze up. He didn’t even have to look up to know that it was Felix who started to fiddle next to him and Jeongin felt sincerely bad for him. There was a bond- a connection that transcended the normal friendship that the both Aussies shared with the rest of the members and like Minho and Jisung, they seemed to have an evident liking to each other but both kept stomping on the same place, restless.   
He looked up finally and saw once again what he’d already seen a hundred times before. Felix’s red cheeks, his glossy eyes, Chris clueless broad shoulders while he sat down at his stationary computer. The loud, annoyed and exaggerated sigh that fell from Felix’s lips while he stood up and walked into his bedroom, Chris’ gaze that followed his figure with a slight concern shadowing his face, the hesitation, the glance at the rest of the group, the comforting smile he gave Jeongin before standing up and walked into the same bedroom Felix had entered. 

“Hey”   
His train of thoughts was suddenly interrupted and Jeongin let his eyes flicker over to the person who had stopped in front of him,   
“Hey” he answered and bit back a sigh while his stomach jolted at the soft smile he received.

Hyunjin was still dressed in the clothes he’d been wearing all day; a white button-up shirt tucked into some washed-out blue jeans. Hair framing his face, untied and Jeongin hated how the butterflies in his stomach started to race again. The older plopped down next to him, grabbed hold of his arm and even though complete turmoil swirled his thoughts around like a tornado, he still managed to keep calm while turning his gaze back to the mobile game. The awkward whatever-it-was that he had for the other had gone on for years now after all and he’d trained his mind to shut the fuck up when Hyunjin came close. 

“Do you feel better now?”   
Jeongin cleared his throat, felt Hyunjin’s breath on his throat, the way he tugged on his shirt, fiddled with the edge of the lining while expecting an answer, “Yeah” Jeongin said, shortly and pushed back the arousing need in his body when Hyunjin’s fingertips brushed against the naked skin underneath his shirt to be able to enjoy the calm and comfortable presence of the older.  
Refused himself to sink deeper once again. He couldn’t repeat the mistake that had already happened today. 

-

His body glistened in the soft, warm light of flickering candles and Jeongin couldn’t look away. Couldn’t even breathe when he took in every detail like he was held under gunpoint. The mirror and walls were covered in condensed water from the heat in the room, and it should’ve warmed him up as well, but the sweat that covered his body was for a whole other reason. The dark, long hair kissed the other’s shoulders, chest almost fully submerged with the rest of his body and Jeongin was sure that he’d get an actual aneurysm if it wouldn’t be for the bath bomb that had coloured the water a bright violet. 

“It’s impolite to stare” a voice pulled him back and he inhaled deeply, looked away and grabbed his toothbrush,   
“Sorry I- uh… I didn’t mean…” he stammered forth and tried to force himself to look away when the water splashed slightly and Hyunjin turned to face him, chin resting on his knuckles while a small teasing smile tugged on his lips,   
“You can join me if you want, you know. The water is just right” 

The younger’s stomach jolted and he felt how his breath hitched, ‘He’s just fucking with you, there is no way’ he managed to pull forth from some subconscious logical part of himself before the horny lizard brain started to undress. He swallowed deeply, completely parched like sandpaper in the mouth while Hyunjin just shrugged, leaned back again and closed his eyes.   
And Jeongin sighed, closed his fist and felt how his fingernails dug into the palm of his hand, causing small moon-shaped dents there. Managed to shake his head, ‘He doesn’t mean it. It’s… banter… immature flirting- the thing that all members did to make each other feel flustered’ and then turned on his heel and walked out again. He had resisted temptation many times and this would only be yet another in the ever-growing pile of memories he had. One that he’d dig up in a couple of days- when he had a couple of minutes to himself and needed to get off. 

-

Hyunjin always made him feel weak- like a shy high school girl in a drama. Weak in the knees, weak when it came to his heart, which seemed to work on overtime every time they touched. Weak when it came to Jeongin’s own restrictions towards him.   
He tried his very best to fall out of the feeling that tugged on his heartstrings. 

Tried to see the older’s every flaw, blow them out of proportions, deliberately made himself annoyed with everything Hyunjin did wrong- because disliking him and being in the same group would be easier. He could work past that to be professional. Because then at least he wouldn’t be on the younger’s mind 24/7.   
And it wasn't like he meant to do it- didn’t mean to be so in love. 

It just sorta… happened. One day he just woke up and Hyunjin happened to be the first one awake that morning. And the sun shone through their kitchen window behind him like a halo and it was like… like he literally saw the older in a different light. Hyunjin had tried to make them some coffee (with an emphasis on _tried)_ and though it wasn’t very good, Jeongin had appreciated that morning. That first hour of the day that had just been theirs. 

Things went downhill after that, to say the least. All of a sudden Hyunjin wasn’t just this cooler, older hyung who had all the dance moves down for their new choreo. He wasn’t just this shield in the wind that tried to blow them away from the path towards their goals of debuting, of releasing their first album, of winning their first award. And Jeongin was too damn young and way too naive to even realise that the butterflies in his stomach weren’t just because he liked and admired the older. 

Years passed nevertheless and the thing that grew inside of him- the silly warm feeling he got, started to burn bright enough to hurt him. Hyunjin was the foundation for the first fantasy he ever had, the first person that popped up in his mind when he hastily jerked off in the shower, with only some short memory of the older pressing up against him while they cuddled on the bed. Hyunjin was the first when it came to everything that he still hid away from the members. The thin line that they all kept intact to have some sort of ‘this is only me’ left in them.

Jeongin was sure that his mother had mentioned at some time that a person needs just three things to be happy: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for and he supposed that when they, all the members, lived as close upon each other as they did, doing the same thing and dreaming the same dreams- things were just bound to happen.   
So he never meant to fall in love. God only knows how badly he wished that he could just escape that feeling. 

Because being in love with Hyunjin was nothing but pure pain.   
“Are you busy?”   
Being in love with Hyunjin was the greatest joke his brain had ever pulled on him,   
“I guess not, why?” he looked up and met the older’s brown eyes, the gentle softness in them, the small smile on his lips, the oversized tee he wore, the trainers he must’ve stolen from Felix’s wardrobe.   
“I… just wanted to watch a movie”

Three weeks had gone by since that photoshoot and he’d made the mistake of looking at edits of the older. He still cringed when he thought about it and wished terribly that he could’ve told anyone at all about the embarrassing moment he went through while drying cum off the bathroom stall wall. The rest of the members would’ve thought it was hilarious- if Jeongin wouldn’t be so certain that the follow-up questions would involve them asking just _who_ it was that had gotten his panties in such a twist. 

“I can watch one with you-” Jeongin said before he even gave himself a few seconds to process what he answered and Hyunjin immediately went and fetched a laptop while the younger tried to force the ground to swallow him up.   
He had it bad enough these days as it was, nearly pushing Hyunjin away when he got too close and now a damned part of his subconscious mind seemed to have had enough and made a clear decision.

It didn’t help at all that the older was warm against him and even if his brain still only contained of scrambled eggs- he couldn’t deny himself the familiar sense of comfort. Hyunjin smelled of scentless, skin-friendly soap, birch and mint from some generic shampoo brand, the remains of his favourite cologne since he hadn’t showered since yesterday, an indescribable warmth of testosterone that was just his own and Jeongin hated that he fucking _indulged_ in it.   
Hated how much he loved how Hyunjin's long legs tangled up with his own, Hyunjin’s arms around his body. How Hyunjin gently tried to find a comfortable position against him, Hyunjin’s hands on his chest, Hyunjin’s lips on his own.

Wait.

_Lips?_

He broke free from the kiss and looked up at those brown eyes that he loved so much with confusion. The older leaned over him, supported on his elbow while he gently brushed some hair away from his forehead.   
“Sorry” he mumbled, “You just looked so lost. I… thought I’d wake you up with a kiss” a small, nervous smile tugged on his lips but he was tense like a wire, careful and ready to bolt if the younger would show any sign of discomfort.  
“You… you kissed me?” Jeongin blurted out, heart thumping in his chest hard enough that he feared it would burst through his ribcage,   
“Mm… yeah” Hyunjin sighed heavily while he glanced at the younger’s lips, raised his hand and gently brushed his thumb over the lower lip with an expression that changed from satisfied to mournfully bittersweet, “and I uh… I shouldn’t have done that- ” his gaze flickered up at Jeongin’s eyes before he looked away just as quickly, “Sorry” he made an effort to stand up and the younger thanked his body for keeping up because he gripped a hold of the other before he fully made it off the bed, 

“Don’t you dare walk away” he mumbled and yanked Hyunjin back, causing the older to nearly fall on top of him.   
He let out a small choked up groan when Hyunjin regained his balance and surprisingly gracefully threw one leg over his waist, straddling him while diving back down. 

Jeongin had imagined how the other’s lips would taste too many times to remember; one day they could be like the soda he just drank or the apricot lip balm he just applied or perhaps like the whipped cream he ate with the morning pancakes Felix did for them or like the soju Chris had bought in secret to celebrate their latest award. But if anyone would ask him afterwards what Hyunjin’s lips _really_ tasted like; he wouldn’t be able to answer. Because it wasn’t just that- it was the weight of the other man on top of him, the small breathy whines that slipped out passed his lips, the way he grabbed a handful of Jeongin’s ashy blonde hair and tugged, pushing his tongue passed his lips and drank him like a thirsting man.   
It was breathtaking and he felt lightheaded but the younger had so, so many questions; How? Why him? For how long? _And why the fuck hadn’t they done this earlier?_  
But Hyunjin swallowed down every question, every wonder that struck his mind. Held him as if he loved him, too, and a literal bomb could’ve gone off outside at that moment and Jeongin wouldn’t have cared at all. 

“If you have any idea how long I’ve wanted this” he managed to whisper between them and felt how Hyunjin smirked into the next kiss,   
“Me too” a sigh between their lips, “for so long” his voice was raspier than usual and the younger gasped, swirled his friend’s long hair between his fingers, cupped his face to coax his head to the side and deepened the kiss with a shallow thrust of his hips, seeking the heat of the other,  
“Years… years, hyung” 

And Hyunjin paused then, lifted his head shortly to meet his eyes in the soft glow of Jeongin’s bedside table lamp. A grin spread on his plump lips while he supported himself on his hand this time, with the dark hair framing his face like curtains and he was the most beautiful man that the younger had ever seen. It still struck him like lightning, even after all this time.   
“Perhaps… but I think I ignored it for a long time... you were too young, and I… I didn’t want you to feel like you had to do something for me because I’m older” Hyunjin sighed and watched him with an expression filled with melancholy... as if he was well aware of the amount of time they had lost to their own stubbornness.   
“I’ve had a thing for you since I was seventeen. It has nothing to do with you being older” Jeongin admitted with a stomach that turned and churned like a tumble dryer filled with clothes and Hyunjin shook his head again while he poked his nose with the pad of his finger,   
“Baby. You’re admitting it so simply, I thought that I would have to at least seduce you before hearing those words”  
And Jeongin laughed this time, because it was nearly ironic, “Oh. Well, if you only knew how much you’ve succeeded on that”   
“Uhu…” and something flashed in the older’s eyes. Something animalistic, feral, “Tell me”

Jeongin cleared his throat and felt how his ears grew warmer, “That time… a- a few weeks ago” he started while combing back Hyunjin’s hair, “When you asked me to join you in the bath”  
The older rolled his eyes, “I _did_ try to make it obvious”   
If he’d only known back then. Jeongin sighed, wet his lips and cupped the older’s cheeks again. It felt unreal to be able to hold him like that. With his face just barely twenty centimetres away and close enough that he saw himself in Hyunjin’s dark eyes. Skin soft, with a faint rosiness on his cheeks. It tugged on his heartstrings, this unsatisfied, relentless love he felt for the other.   
“I think that I’ve always seen it though-” Hyunjin mumbled while his fingertips travelled down over Jeongin’s naked throat, “You always watch me with the sort of eyes that you do now” he took a careful hold onto the zipper of his sweater and started to undo it, eyes switching from the younger, to make sure that they were on the same page, to the revealed skin that appeared when the shirt split in two and revealed his flat, fit upper body.

Jeongin wasn’t as ripped as Chris or even as lean as Felix but he was still proud of his process and from the look on Hyunjin’s face- so was he.   
“I always forget, don’t I?” he mumbled while reaching out and traced his fingers over the outlines on the younger’s stomach, “We keep on joking about ‘baby bread this and baby bread that’ but… but you’re all grown up”   
Jeongin chuckled and traced his hands down the older’s sides, down over his thighs and the small swell of his ass, “I am” he said and the cockiness in his voice caused his ears to get even warmer but Hyunjin only bit down on his lower lip to prevent a sharp hiss from escaping. 

The next touch of lips was wet, messy and Jeongin quickly noticed that Hyunjin was a sloppy kisser- despite being gracefully aware of all of his limbs at any given time, it seemed like he truly lost all control with the younger, all tongue and lips and saliva. The older peppered kisses from the corner of his lips, down over his jaw and Jeongin’s breath hitched when the Hyunjin playfully nibbled on the soft spot just above his pulse point, smirking against his skin when the younger grabbed a hold of his hair, just to ground himself. He stroked his hands over the skin he didn’t place kisses on and Jeongin already felt like his body was on fire, gasping while his friend closed his lips around one nipple, swirled his tongue around the hardened nub before he grazed it with his teeth, met his eyes from underneath thick lashes and Jeongin had to immediately look away again. Stomach doing nervous somersaults while Hyunjin moved over to the other, gently tweaked the already abused one with his fingertips and the younger's spine arched slightly off the mattress at the feeling, 

“Gosh, you’re so sensitive, baby” the older praised while he sat up again, cupped his friend’s ribcage in his hands and delicately flicked his thumbs over his nipples, watched how Jeongin bit back a whine while he looked up at him and couldn’t help but smile again, “So cute”  
“You know” Jeongin started slowly while Hyunjin’s hands started to drift down, “You still owe me the belly rub you promised me weeks ago”   
The older paused and it took a moment before he remembered, gently followed the arch of Jeongin’s ribs with careful fingers and nodded, “Do you still want it? Putting 100% into my work, unfortunately, won’t be much of a priority for me” 

But the younger shrugged, sat up enough to take off his sweater completely and pulled down his pants enough to show the first few short strands of pubes which caused Hyunjin to swallow dryly.   
“Can… can we…?” the older started off but didn’t find the right words and just slid down a bit, dropped between Jeongin’s parted legs, made eye contact to make sure that he didn’t cross any boundaries before he took a hard grip of his thighs and gently placed them around his hips.  
Somehow this felt even more raw and personal than earlier and the younger wanted to hide his face when his friend carefully rubbed down his thighs, up over his sides, down his chest and bit down on his lower lip to prevent a low whine from escaping. 

Hyunjin started simple, cheeks flushed while he massaged his palms in a circular motion- first clockwise and then counter-clockwise and though it was a strange feeling to get so much attention on his belly when his cock was hard and twitching against the inside of his gym shorts- it was still nice and far more intimate than it had ever felt before. He felt connected with the older, watched him with hooded eyes and Hyunjin glanced down at him time after time again as well with a sly smile playing on his lips. 

“Can I cash in my favour as well?” Hyunjin asked while he stroked his skilled finger’s down his sides again, fingernails tracing the skin, inducing small ripples of goosebumps in their way and Jeongin nodded, eyelids fluttering when those finger’s lingered at the lining of his pants, “I… I want to fuck you” he swallowed and averted the younger’s eyes, “Please? I promise you can have me the next time- I just… I’ve been dreaming about being inside you for a whole damn year now and I- I really-”  
“I want you to as well” Jeongin agreed, he nearly _desperately_ wanted to hear how the older sounded when he was balls deep into him as well but wouldn’t mind if Hyunjin would try first, it would take the edge of his insecurities. This was the first time he was with someone else after all and he wanted to make a good impression- _had to make one_.   
To make sure that there would be-

Wait, _next time?_

“Next time?” he echoed out loud as if he’d heard wrong and Hyunjin nodded, “Yeah, don’t think that you’ll escape too soon” he grabbed the younger’s hands and guided them to his own ass, “This one needs to be filled up at least once as well” 

Jeongin shook his head in disbelief at the other’s unfiltered words while a nervous tint of red covered his ears and pulled Hyunjin down for another kiss to hide his embarrassment- one that quickly heated out of control. He tugged on his friend’s shirt, urged him without words to pull it over his head while his finger’s fumbled with the tie on his trainers. He pulled the lining over the older’s hips, swallowed deeply when his fingertips brushed against skin that had been forbidden until now and Hyunjin stood up enough to pull the material down over his legs and ankles until he leaned over him in only his underwear. Jeongin took a deep breath then, in through his mouth and out through his nose while he looked at the other. Hyunjin was slender, strong and with lean muscles that stiffen under the soft skin. So damn gorgeous it actually hurt and Jeongin swallowed hard, felt how his whole body caved in with lust and an overwhelming yearning and quickly made grabby hands to signal for his friend to join him again. 

A genuine, bright smile stretched on Hyunjin’s lips- the one that made his eyes turn into crescents and he mumbled, “Cutie” under his breath before ascending upon his body again. Jeongin welcomed him this time, parted his legs and allowed him to settle down between them.   
Let Hyunjin trap him with his body as the older leaned over him and sighed into the soft kiss that was planted on his lips next. His hands played with the other’s hair, tugged on it, scraped his nails across the scalp and Hyunjin hissed into the kiss while he kitten licked past the younger’s lips, met his tongue like Jeongin was a dessert that needed to be salvaged and indulged in completely. And he completely surrendered, even though he desperately wanted to know what it was that would make Hyunjin arch his back off the mattress, wanted to know what made him lose it completely- he knew that there were more times to come and right now… he just wanted to fall headfirst in the intoxicating feeling of Hyunjin’s weight on his body, pressing him down. The older’s small, shallow thrusts against his still clothed ass. It was turning him delirious, completely insane with a need that only expanded with a crazily rapid speed,

“Off with them” he mumbled against his friend’s lips while dipping his index finger’s into the lining and Hyunjin smirked into the kiss,   
“Can’t wait any longer, can you?” he teased and Jeongin had no idea what flew in him when he sat up slightly, harshly cupped the older through the fabric of the underwear, reached up in one swift movement, grabbed a handful of hair and yanked it enough for the older to wince,   
“I agreed for you to fuck me first. _Don’t_ make me change my mind” he nearly growled, surprised by his own aggressive demeanour but Hyunjin just wet his lips, nodded and looked at the younger with pleading eyes,   
“I’ll behave. I promise, I’m sorry. I- I’ll make you feel so good” the older whined with his breath hitched in his throat,

Jeongin let the hair go, gently patted his friend on the head and would feel immense regret for his selfish action and rough attitude if it wouldn’t be for the fact that Hyunjin melted to putty in his hands, eyes closed while he leaned into the loving touch and it made Jeongin’s cock happily twitch while somersaults rushed through his stomach. He felt how a small spot of pre-cum had wet the front of his underwear and it only grew wider when he swallowed hard at the feeling of Hyunjin twitching in his hand as well. The older had his finger inside the lining of them and his eyes fluttered open while he looked down on the younger, pulled them down completely and Jeongin had to quickly close his mouth the moment he felt his jaw drop. 

The older’s cock was curved upwards towards his belly button, average like his own and lean like Hyunjin himself. A bit thicker at the root and flushed an annoying red from being neglected for so long. Glistening wet from pre-cum and with a prominent vein on the underside and… and perhaps Jeongin was drooling at the sight of it... Maybe?  
Hyunjin himself blushed red from top to toe with arousal and he watched the younger from underneath his eyelashes, clearly nervous. But Jeongin just reached forward, slowly closed an open fist around him again and shuttered from the warm weight of it in his hand, 

“You’re perfect” he gasped out, completely breathless and Hyunjin smiled, shyly now instead of his usual cockiness,   
“Lemme see you as well”   
Jeongin bit down on his lower lip, nodded and slowly pulled down his own underwear, let it join the rest of the pile on the floor and once again wanted to hide. His cock flopped onto his stomach when he leaned back against the mattress and though he knew that it was nothing special- his heart still raced with anticipation.   
“Look at you” Hyunjin’s voice was filled with adoration and he reached out as well, closed his fist around the younger’s cock and gave it a few tugs, which caused Jeongin to bite back a sharp gasp, “So pretty”  
He shook his head, “No… you’re pretty, hyung” he protested and watched while Hyunjin drew a little closer, enveloped both their cocks in his fist and slowly jerked them off, tongue flicking out to lick his lower lip before biting down onto it.   
“ _You are_ ” the older urged, let some spit fall from his mouth, spread it between them and nodded down at the scenario that was happening, causing Jeongin’s cock to twitch while big pearls of pre-cum dripped down the shaft, “So sensitive, perfect for me” 

And the younger had to agree to that because they _did_ look perfect for each other. Similar yes, but where he was slightly thicker- Hyunjin was longer and his cock twitched again because he still needed to feel more, even though everything that had happened so far exceeded his wildest dreams.   
“P- please… hyung” he groaned out, tried his best to keep it low since the rest of the members were only an unlocked door away but his friend was making it really difficult for him,  
“Yes, baby?” Hyunjin answered with his gaze locked on the way their slicked cocks rubbed together, eyes blown out from lust and Jeongin had to swallow deeply when he met them,   
“I- I need you… need more” he gasped out, knowing fully well that he could cum alone by the slow but steady rhythm of Hyunjin’s hand. But he needed this, needed for them to finally be one, unable to wait any longer.   
“Mm” Hyunjin hummed, “On one condition…” he started and Jeongin started to get annoyed again, “Be rough with me, please” he begged and the younger couldn’t help but smile because even though he tried his best- Hyunjin really was all bark and no bite. 

But he complied and swallowed deeply, reached up and gently cupped Hyunjin’s face, stroked his thumb over the plumpness of the bottom one and watched how the older once again leaned into the touch, “Put your fingers in your mouth then” he ordered and swallowed dryly when Hyunjin let out a small groan before he complied.   
He raised his free hand, placed the index and long finger on his lips, parted them and Jeongin bit down on his lip to prevent a gasp when the older’s eyelids fluttered shut as his tongue peeked out, swirled around the tips to guide them inside and gently sucked, wetted them properly. Hips moving, the abs on his stomach clenching and head lolling to the side with the messy long hair partly hiding his blissed expression as he thrust into his other hand in erratic motions and Jeongin was about to burst from the sight alone.   
He was completely mesmerized, frozen and stuck in action with the heavenly photo of the other burned on his retina and mind like a broken real-time record and felt how his own lips parted when Hyunjin let out a growling hum, “I wish we had more time… but I really need to be inside you right now” Jeongin nodded then and hissed when Hyunjin let go of them to grab his thigh instead, hoisted him up slightly into his lap and then leaned over his body to place a chaste kiss on his lips, “Do you have lube?” he asked and Jeongin felt his heart drop.   
“I… uh…” 

Fuck, he’d been meaning to buy it for forever but it wasn’t really something you just picked up at the drugstore when eyes were on him literally as soon as he stepped out the door.   
Hyunjin seemed to understand anyway because he looked around for anything at all and soon noticed a bottle of non-scented hand cream on the desk opposite them,  
“Hannie won’t complain, not if it’s for a good cause, right?” he winked at the younger who only let out a small, jittery giggle.   
His heart thumped hard against the ribcage and somehow everything became, even more, real- as in this was really happening- when he laid down back on the bed, wrapped his legs around Hyunjin’s waist again and felt his breath hitch when the older popped open the lid, spread some of the light cream between his already wet fingers and looked down on his friend with a small smile, 

“This might hurt” Hyunjin mentioned and watched him with an apologetic expression,   
Might? Did that mean?  
“You’ve-” he started while the older nodded with an embarrassed smile,   
“Yeah, you’re my first as well”

A nearly childish joy sprinted in his stomach and Jeongin wanted to bolt up and hug him but lingered back on the bed when he felt Hyunjin’s comforting squeeze on one thigh and bit back a small whine of discomfort when his friend slowly pressed his finger past the ring of muscles. It was uncomfortable and definitely something that he had to grow used to but he trusted Hyunjin. Trusted that he understood the process as well.   
The other looked, if any, even more concern than the younger felt and his gaze constantly flickered from the sight of his finger getting swallowed up again and again to Jeongin’s face to make sure that he couldn’t detect any distress.

After a while, not too long, it even felt good and he managed to choke out a, “More” between gritted teeth, something that the older very happily obliged to.   
“Are you ok?” Hyunjin asked while he carefully scissor his fingers, thrust them in and out in a gentle motion and Jeongin nodded, it wasn’t bad… just… _new…_ he supposed, “I’m sure that it should be here… somewhere” the older mumbled under his breath, changed the position of his fingers and Jeongin’s back arched off the bed when an intense pleasure, deep enough that he nearly tasted it, shuddered through him,   
“Do that again” he begged and watched with heavy eyes how Hyunjin smiled proudly, the sharp eyes gleaming while he repeated the motion. Jeongin cursed, limbs writhing and he was close- _too close_ , “Fuck me, I don’t care if it hurts- I… I need you” he begged and Hyunjin swallowed deeply, gently withdrew his fingers with a short nod and properly slicked himself up with the cream as well, placed one firm hand on the younger’s waist and met his eyes,   
“You sure you’ll be fine?” he asked while lining up and Jeongin nodded again,   
“I trust you” 

The feeling was unlike anything else, unlike the fingers that just left him. He felt full. Complete. The burn made him wince but Hyunjin leaned forward, locked their lips together and the gasped out whine that fell from his lips was immediately swallowed up. His friend started out carefully, pushed in until Jeongin felt his hole stretch from the thicker part at the root of the other. He sobbed out and Hyunjin parted them enough to make sure that he was still ok before he planted the next kiss on his forehead,   
“You’re doing so good, baby” he sighed, raspy, choked up “You feel amazing”   
Jeongin could only hum back, clinging onto the older for dear life, breathed slowly and felt how he relaxed a bit when Hyunjin took his hand and laced their fingers together. 

No one had ever touched him as Hyunjin touched him at the moment. No one had been so close and Jeongin was nearly bursting from the emotions that built up inside of him.   
This was the best thing he’d ever experienced.   
“I love you”   
The words seemed to echo out into the world and he regretted them in the same moment they slipped past his lips. But Hyunjin only leaned down and captured his lips, slowly slipped out and then thrust back in, gasping when he did so,   
“I love you too” he replied and the younger felt how tears formed in his eyes because everything, all he ever wished for- other than for Stray Kids to be successful, was right there in his arms and so deep inside of him that dark spots clouded his vision,   
“For… for real?” he spoke yet again without thinking and Hyunjin let out a small chuckle, leaned back and took a hold of his hips, raised his lower body into his lap and picked up the speed,   
“You’ve ah- always been the only one. I-” he held back a growl, “I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone… _fuck…_ else” 

His head dropped back, exposing his throat and soon the sound of skin slapping and loud choked up groans filled the room. Jeongin had a hard time keeping his eyes open, an overwhelming and nearly numbingly amazing feeling had set his whole body ablaze. He licked his dry lips and kept his eyes locked on the gorgeous figure above him.   
Hyunjin looked like a God, every centimetre of his body glistening with sweat now and the dark, long hair stuck to his forehead, the side of his face. Short, shallow pants escaped his throat while he pounded into the younger’s body. Hands still in a hard grip around Jeongin’s hips while he jolted his body down onto his cock to meet the thrusts.

And Jeongin was close, fists clenched up hard enough to hurt his palms to prevent himself from closing one around his cock. Because if he did so, he’d surely come in seconds, “Hyung…” he groaned out and Hyunjin let out a huff back to show that he listened while his gaze lingered at Jeongin now, those full, pink lips parted and the younger had to push out the next words, “Are you close?”   
Hyunjin nodded with a small encouraging smile, gently rubbed his thumbs over his hip bones and leaned down over him again, burrowed his nose in the crook of his neck and inhaled deeply,   
“I love you so much, Innie-ah. You feel so good” the younger heard how he pouted before groaning out, “and I don’t wanna stop”

Jeongin let out a sharp gasp at that, grabbed a hold of his hair again and mercilessly yanked his head up, cupped his face with his other hand and smashed their lips together. It hurt when teeth softly clashed but the wild and feral part of him that only wanted to come didn’t care. The sound of Hyunjin’s sobbed out whine, however, was pure music to his ears and he writhed, causing the older to hit that spot inside of him again. Only a few more thrusts and he came between their bodies, spurted out ribbons of cum that nearly hit him on the chin. He still held a hard grip on Hyunjin’s hair and tugged on it subconsciously while his body spasmed, causing the older to fall over the edge as well. He twitched hard and Jeongin continued to move his hips, rode him out until his friend shivered from the oversensitivity before he let out a big sigh and slumped, completely spent over his friend’s body. 

They tried to catch a breath for a few moments before Hyunjin lifted his head again, planted a big, wet kiss on his lips with a bright smile and then gently slipped out, causing a small groan to erupt from the younger’s lips. Hyunjin laid down next to him, grabbed his hand again and then they laid there, just staring up in the ceiling in complete comfortable silence,  
“Wow” the older sighed and Jeongin hummed, squeezed the hand in his and was just about to ask the other what they would do now when there suddenly was a hard knock on the door,   
“Are you done yet?” Jisung’s annoyed voice could be heard from the other side and the two of them held back a small burst of laughter,   
“No, not dressed yet” Jeongin answered truthfully since there wasn’t any reason to lie if all of them had heard what was going on,   
“Well, hurry up then. We’re gonna order dinner”

Jisung didn’t stay to hear an answer and Hyunjin chuckled,   
“Do you think he’s jealous?”   
“Absolutely, he’s been wanting to get dicked down for forever” Jeongin answered which caused a small chuckle to break from Hyunjin’s lips,   
“True. Sometimes I swear that hyung is only fucking around with him,

Silence fell again but the silly smile on Jeongin’s face didn’t want to disappear. He felt a content in his body that hadn’t been satisfied since they won their latest award and wanted to enjoy it, bask in the presence of the other’s warm, heaving body for a couple of more minutes before they had to face the annoyance of their group members.   
But first, “I meant what I said earlier- I love you. I have for the longest time” he turned to Hyunjin who gave him a small smile, turned his body to the side and brushed away some hair that threatened to fall into his eyes before he leaned up and pressed their foreheads together with a long sigh,   
“I meant it as well. I love you, baby” and then he gently pinched Jeongin’s cheek with a teasing, satisfied grin, “Now nothing can stop me from eating my sweet baby bread forever” 

And Jeongin rolled his eyes because _of course_ Hyunjin wasn’t just going to let that nickname go, even after all they just went through. The older placed another kiss on his lips, one with a promise for later. One that held all the remaining yearning- the love he held for the younger and Jeongin sighed.   
But maybe he wasn’t _too_ sad about it because being eaten up once in a while by a man like Hyunjin weighed more than a silly name after all.


End file.
